Blog Archive

Friday, 9 December 2011


Childhood Christmas Blues
I woke on Christmas morning
Still hoping for a puppy dog.
The nearest things I got to it
Were a whistle and a chocolate frog.
And walking the frog
Was a hell of a slog.

Christmas Nibbles
I’d start with orange and nuts
And a huge milk chocolate Santa.
For lunch, piles of turkey, spuds and sprouts,
No time for festive chat or banter.
Then Christmas pud, mince pies
A box of chocs from Uncle Len.
Quick dash upstairs to vomit,
Then start all over again.

Season’s Greetings
In days of yore
When I was four
And snow lay all around
I used to like
To sign my name
With urine on the ground.
But things have changed
And Time’s moved on
It only snows in spots
At sixty-two
All I could do
Were initials and a long row of dots.........

Christmas Favourites
For tea I had a chocolate log
And a couple of large mince pies.
Now I’m sitting on the bog
Missing Morecambe & Wise.

                                                © Brian Crooks, December 2011


  1. Wish I found this in December. I could have added some more - like this:-

    A Salutary Tale

    I'm a forlorn Christmas Fairy,
    tied to the top of a tree.
    I've been here already for over a week
    but nobody notices me.

    Below my skirts tiny lights twinkle
    and pretty things hang all around
    but the needles keep pricking
    my poor fairy feet -
    I wish I had both on the ground!

    I flutter my wings with excitement.
    It does me no good, you'll agree
    for they tethered me fast
    with a thread round my waist.
    Oh, how I long to be free!

    I know all too soon
    the Twelve Days will be past,
    and the tree will be carried away.
    I shall be bundled into a big box,
    to wait until next Christmas day.

    It's really no life for a fairy,
    just waiting or hanging around…

    I might give a wave of my magical wand -
    Why, yes! What an idea I've found!
    I'll wish that next year they'll forget about me,
    and stick up a star on the top of their tree!

    Then I'll fly off to Fairyland on Christmas Eve
    when toys everywhere spring to life,
    and who knows, I may even surprise myself
    and make some Christmas elf a good wife!

  2. Or even this:-

    Oh, Tannenbaum, oh Tannenbaum...

    It's time to get the tinsel out and check the Christmas lights,
    the fairy and the baubles - all the seasonal delights.

    The tinsel's looking tarnished. Maybe time to get some more?
    And what about the holly wreath to hang upon the door?

    It's only artificial, so should be fit to use…
    Not so sure about the lights…I think they've blown a fuse.

    I test them with a gadget which tells me they are good.
    I only need replace a bulb - I rather thought I would;

    there's always one that lets you down! Now, where did I put the spares?
    I think they're in an old shoe box I've tucked away upstairs

    inside the back room cupboard, near the plastic Christmas tree.
    That'll need a lot of sprucing up - Ha! I said 'spruce' you see?

    A crafty way to compensate for its not being real,
    but merely pseudo needles in wire twists as tough as steel.